We're all a little broken

I feel a lot broken today. Unexplained anger and frustration, back to vomiting, choosing not to eat rather than vomit.  I try to remind myself that it's okay to be imperfect. It's okay to write salacious fan fiction just for ME. It's okay if I'm living on liquids. It's okay to require my older children to make dinner. Goodness knows they're not doing much else to help.

Would I be rejected if people knew the real me, the one that writes indiscriminately and with passion?

I feel a LOT broken.  I am riddled with guilt for not having sufficient gratitude. I cried watching American Idol. WHHHHHAAAA????  And yes, my husband thought I was ridiculous. But I am missing my parents. He doesn't understand the deep loss because his parents are living and breathing and available if he wants to call. Mine are not. ::tearing up again::

I'm going to occupy myself with reading and writing and living in my own fantasy of life. Who cares if my characters are unrealistic with their compassion and love? It will increase the depth of the characters to have more flaws, but this is MY dream.

So, I'm broken. I'm still functional. Like a pretty crayon.